Dementia Presents: Please Eat My Dumb Aunt Sally
by Cherry Flavored Arsenic
Summary: Ok, time for another trip into the twisted unkown...hey, new host and new guest...ok, so a fill in host..the contest is still open, more to come, Enjoy!
1. Please Eat My Dumb Aunt Sally

Dementia Presents: Please Eat My Dumb Aunt Sally  
  
With your Host: Dib Membrane  
  
Special guest: The Rabid Squirrel  
  
[Camera enters black abyss and you see nothing...NOTHING! It moves slowly forward and you start to see a light. As the camera moves towards the light, several things pass you by. Dib's head floats past you from the left and disappears at your right. An eyeball with the retina still attached floats past you to your right. You move slowly forward, the light at the end of the tunnel is growing larger, glowing with an eerie white light. Keef floats past you, upside-down, holding a frying pan and waving. The light grows larger. A computer mouse, wiggling it's cord at you, floats past to the left. The camera has almost reached the wide, white light when....AN ANEREXIX BRITISH COW OF DOOM FROM A PREVIOUS EPISODE! floats past you, sipping a cup of tea as you move on. You wonder what that was all about. Then the light at the end of the tunnel swallows you whole and you see nothing but white this time.  
  
When you refocus you are standing in the long corridor that you have so come to know as boring and drab and wonder if you should sit around for another episode of Dib tourture or not. The thought appals you and you decide to risk it *i thank you!* and you settle down for another strange tale. There, where Daft Plushie usually stands, stands Dib instead. You start to wonder if he's locked Daft up agian and taken over the show sucessfully this time. He stands there very professional like, staring ahead at the camera. His hands are folded behind his back and surprisingly enough, you notice his outfit has changed slightly. Instead of the usual blue, silver face shirt and black coat, pants, and boots, Dib is wearing a Black, blank shirt. His trench coat is slightly longer and his boots are a bit more like combat boots. On the side of his trench he wears a silver annoyed face on a pin. It's hooked on to the right of his jacket on the collar where a flower would go if it was a Tux. Dib begins.]  
  
Good evening everyone. I know you looked foreward to seeing Daft here tonight, but sadly, she is stuck doing her homework. Heh, I tried to help her but she was all like ' nooo! i can do it myself!' and so i was like 'fine! but don't you have a show to do' and she was all like 'oh yeah! Dementia! however will i get this done and do my show!' and then she was all like, 'Dib, oh great one that i worship and wish to be more like in everyway, would you take over for me on my measlly little show while i'm away? you are so talented and so cute and so smart that i wouldn't be able to trust the show with anyone else...please please please dib?' and I was all like...'well...' and she was all like, 'i'm sorry about the torture and head pokings, superior one, please do this for me? for the legions of adoring fans?' and i was all like, ' well, ok.' and she was all like...  
  
[Suddenly there was a crash as a squirrel coems flying through the air to hit Dib on the head and knock him backwards. As Dib sat up, the squirrel looked around rapidly. Dib rubbed his head and stood, trying to keep in character.]  
  
Ok, I guess it's time to introduce tonight's guest, the co-star of our upcoming episode, everyone, meet the Rabid Squirrel.  
  
.....eeeeeee!.....  
  
Hello Rabid Squirrel. How have you been lately?  
  
......cheeeeeeeeese.....!  
  
uh...yes...how is it going with the next episode?  
  
....well, it was really fun to do but Daft insists that it's a stupid idea,but we all think she's full of mud. well, everyone but the taco guy, he thinks she's full of sinister tomatoes....but anywayz, we were all over here rehearsing for our parts one day when a BIG METEOR crashed down! boy was it big! i mean it was bigger than me, and you and this hall...maybe not as long and boring,but it sure was bigger! yep yep yep! boy was it big! i found a big nut once...i shoved it in my mouth and it stretched out my gums...boy did it stretch out my gums i mean...this thing was HUGE! not as huge as the meteor,but still huge and then....  
  
uh, yes...facinating. Tell me Rabid Squirrel, what's the main theme of the next episode?  
  
Well...it has me, Pig Friend and Gir! whoooeee! It's gonna be fun! almost as fun as when i went seed gathering for winter! i ran into atomic kittens and boy were they atomic! yep yep yep! straight out of a nuclear waste bin! i found a taco in the waste bin once, it was still warm and it was all sloppy and stuff but it was good! very very good! like that one time I was chewing on the Taco guy himself! he tasted funny, but it had a good aftertaste! mmmm...tacos are good. Gir lieks tacos, we always eat them whenever and wherever, no matter what! they good! yep yep yep! whooo! I sure do like Tacos! hey! ya wanna know somethin'? One day we were all out there fighting the Rabid Cupcake and then a small little dog came along! eeee! he was sure small and he had big bulgy eyes, almost as big as my cheeks when stuffed full, but not as big as the meteor...that thing was huge!  
  
Ok, I'm gonna have to stop you there Rabid Squirrel it's time that we get on to bigger things, like our story for example. *underbreath* if I kept you on too long, the reader's heads would explode...  
  
Ok...bye! by the way....  
  
No! Stop! It's time for the story now. Thanks for the insite on the next episode Rabid Squirrel. Good Luck!  
  
[The rabid squirrel runs off and there are crashing noises and two screams in the background. Dib turns back to the camera and places his hand on the knob.]  
  
Now, my friends and legions of fans who so adore me...*lol*....It is time to go beyond your usual thoughts and into the demention known as Dementia... Let's look beyond that of the ordinary and into something we know as the subject of Math...remember that old saying we know as P E M D A S? well, we look into that at one boy who switches the meanings and ends up at a loss...come, follow me into this strange tale of twisted math words, proving once again that too much math may have deadly concequences...  
  
[Dib opens the door and the camera goes into the darkness, refocusing on Ms. Bitters classroom. The story is as follows...]  
  
Ms. Bitters hissed and cackled at the board as Dib stared worridly ahead at the clock. Ms. Bitters scrawled in big, screeching letters the letters P, E, M, D, A, and S. Dib glanced at them then back at the clock. Here, any minuet now she would arrive. Then his memorial day weekend would be Hell. Why did she insist on visiting them? She had tons of realatives to visit. Why them? Besides being annoying, she had tons of bad luck and always decided to hang out with him. He had plenty of bad luck as it was...he didn't need her around making it worse. Ms. Bitters was telling the class to write down what's on the board for she was going to explain it in a few seconds. Dib scrawled out P. E. M. D. A. S. on his paper and waited, thinking about her again and looking at the clock. Half an hour to go before he went home to...her...Dib wished that he could stay after skool and do work, prolounging his time coming home.  
  
"Now, a long time ago, one pathetic human decided that math wasn't challenging enough without adding more Doom to your pathetic, worthless lives...So they created PEMDAS....otherwise known as Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally...which we'll never know what we were excusing her from, but it probabley was horrible, for she didn't last long anyway. Later it was changed to Past Epidemics Mentally Deform All Students, which was more accurate..." Ms. Bitters hacked out at the class.  
  
Dib rolled his eyes and sighed, rearranging things to his own liking.  
  
"Heh...Please Eat My Dumb Aunt Sally...."Dib thought as he wrote down Past Epidemics Mentally Deform All Students under each correct letter.  
  
Ms. Bitters droned on about the grim facts of math and PEMDAS before the bell rang. She stopped talking and slipped back in her seat to excuse the class, instructing them to bring a comb and tweezers for their lab assignment tomorrow. Dib sighed, slowly packing up his bag. He knew she was there. He could see it now, he'd step out of skool and there she'd be, along with her brother and mother, and she'd be waiting for him with a malicious grin on her face. He could invision her running over to him and hugging him in a death grip, yelling corney things while she whispered evil in his ear. Great...just great...when would this horror end? Never, he concluded, because it can't end until it begins. Dib sighed and walked out of the building, spotting them ahead and gathering a deep breath.  
  
There they were. Aunt Maye, Sally, and Lil' Arron. Arron was screaming and gnawing on the end of a ripped up teddy bear. His wide blue eyes searching everywhere, a thin tuff of red hair on his head. He was wearing a cute little set of green jumpers and a brown, yellow, and green striped shirt. He wiggled in Aunt Maye's arms as she stood there, smiling greatly. She waved, the flab of her cubby arm wiggling as she waved at him. He felt like puking. She wore a floral dress and black, shiny shoes. On her red, tightly rolled hair, sat a small hat with flowers in it. She grinned again and waved once more, squeezing her eyes shut. Dib looked for Sally. He spotted her over beside them, grinning a malicous grin like she always had. Her redish brown hair hung down to her elbows, waving slightly as her blue eyes searched his soul. She wore blue jeans and a stupid pink tee shirt that said "I Love Myself" He shuddered. She waved and started to run over to him as he braced himself for the grip of death.  
  
She leapt on him and hugged him tightly screaming things at the top of her lungs about how much she'd missed him. Dib waited and wished it'd end soon.  
  
"Dib! I missed you soooooo much! Last time I saw you, you were just a little kid!" Sally screamed. "I was only one year younger, and you weren't much older yourself!" "How cute! I can't wait for you to show me to all of your friends!" then under her breath, "If you have any friends..." "I do too!" "Hooray! I have tons of things planned for us to do together! It's been so long! I can't wait..." then, under her breath, "To ruin your weekend...."  
  
She squeezed him tightly and backed off, grabbing his arm roughly and tugging him over to where Aunt Maye was mauling Gaz. She turned to Dib and mauled him as well and then pulled them into the car and took off. This was going to be a very long weekend, Dib thought as the car screeched around a corner.  
  
~Later~  
  
Dib slouched on the couch next to Sally and Gaz as Lil' Arron played on the floor below quietly, drooling on everything. His dad was sitting in another chair across from Aunt Maye as she bored them to death with her slide-show.  
  
"OH! Yes, and this is Lil' Arron drooling over his toys...This is Lil' Arron drooling on his food....oh and yes! This is Lil' Arron drooling on my shoulder! Isn't he cute! Oh! Here's Sally and Arron imitating a Drooling Monkey!" Aunt Maye giggled.  
  
"Mom?" Sally stood up.  
  
"Yes dear?"  
  
"We'd love to watch your lovely slide show Mom, but Dib and I had plans for today!" Sally said smoothly as Dib rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well then dear, you may leave! Have a fun time guys!"  
  
"We will Mom! C'mon Dib! We don't have a minuet to spare!" Sally said as she grabbed Dib's arm and pulled him out the door and down the sidewalk.  
  
Dib walked along sullenly as Sally chatted about nothing. She was so annoying! Why couldn't she just hang out with Gaz? Why make his life any worse? Dib sighed as they rounded a corner. He suddenly caught sight of Zim and watched him intently as he slipped around the corner across the street holding a chained up box. Dib looked back at Sally who was lost in her own little world as she chatted. He slipped away from her and ran across the street to follow Zim. She instantly stopped talking and turned quickly, her radar senses picking up Dib's absence. She ran after him, snuck up behind him as he followed Zim quietly, not to alarm him and let out a loud scream. Both Dib and Zim jumped at her screech. Zim yelped as the box fell from his hands and hit his foot to roll to a stop and start to jiggle. Dib turned angirly towards Sally who stood there looking proud. Zim turned to yell at them. Suddenly the box shook violently and burst open. From it came a small, seemingly harmless ball of fluff with two big blue eyes within his green and purple fur.  
  
"NOOOO! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! You incometant human worm-thing!" Zim screeched.  
  
"Why did you do that Sally! You are always ruining things!" Dib yelled.  
  
"I don't see what the big deal is! It's just a ball of fluff!" Sally said walking over to the fluff ball and going to pet it.  
  
"NO! DON'T TOUCH IT!" Zim screamed.  
  
Suddenly, right before their eyes, the small ball of fluff opened up it's very large mouth and swallowed Sally whole. Dib gasped and Zim stood there shaking his head. He couldnt' believe it! She was gone! eaten! No more Sally! No more extra tourture! No more maulings! Dib became so excited he started to dance a victory dance and yell!  
  
"Yes! She's gone! She's gone! She's finally gone! Whoooo!" Dib said dancing victory.  
  
Dib turned around and around, doing his victory dance as the fluff ball and Zim stared in horror at him. Dib danced his way over to the fuff ball and picked it up and hugged it to death. It squirmed and squeeked before shuddering and blowing up in a small mushroom cloud when Dib set it on the ground again. Zim stepped back as Dib danced over to him, and in his joyous mood, hugged him tight and danced around with him. Suddenly, Dib stopped and realized what he was doing. With a scream from both Zim and Dib, they broke apart and ran separate directions. When Dib reached his house, he fell down panting on the porch steps. When he entered his house, they were all sitting in the same positions and watching another slide-show.  
  
"You're just in time Son!" Professor Membrane greeted him, "Where's Sally?"  
  
"Uh...she was....uh..."  
  
Dib paused, not sure they would believe him if he told them. But if he didn't, they'd spend all their time on trying to find her and she'd still wreck his weekend. But if he did, would they think he did it? Would they charge him with murder? Dib started to panic as they watched him. He finally broke.  
  
"She was eaten! Zim's little furry pet thing ate her and I'm glad because she was evil!" Dib screamed before clasping his hands over his mouth and looking around at all the faces staring at him.  
  
They looked at Dib, turned to look back at each other, and then back at Dib. The silence was heavy. Suddenly they all broke out in cheers. Dib looked confused.  
  
"Hooray! Finally! She was sooo annoying! No one really liked her anywayz!" Professor Membrane said.  
  
"Yes...she was evil....Good Job Dib!" Aunt Maye said.  
  
Dib stood in awe as they danced around doing victory dances, even Gaz who would have grunted and went back to playing her GS2. Dib backed up against the door and slipped over to the stairs and ran upstairs to his room, locking his door. Downstairs, he heard the sounds of a mass party. This was just too strange...  
  
[The camera refocuses in on the hall again and back to Dib who shuts the door.]  
  
Well, that's all the time we have for today. I hope you enjoyed this minature tale, I know it was kind of short, but we shall make up for shortness with a really strange episode next time. Also, check out the new episode for more guest interviews! Till next time my rabid fans, This is Dib Membrane saying, Good Night....  
  
[The camera is then picked up and chucked into the Exit door and into the black swirling abyss where you end up where you were when you started reading this thing. You look around, realizing it's over and wonder who the next guest will be. Well, you will all have to wait because I haven't finished the next episode. Until then, you can support the Dib-Is-Not-Gay movement by insiting that he isn't. Thanks for your support everyone, and I hope I dont get any flames for not beating Dib unconcious in this episode...It was time to try something else anywayz. The contest is still on, and I'll post the rules on this one as well so you can audition for a spot on the show on the reviews here. Well, have a good Day or Night or whatever....]  
  
****Zim ish not mine...never will be, never have been, isn't right now...unless....no, nevermind....I do own the rabid squirrel and Daft Plushie! I don't own Gir, Dib, or Pig Friend, but Sally, Aunt Maye, and Lil' Arron are mine! MINE! weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!he he he he he he! ok, well, that's about it. I hope you enjoyed this eppy.****  
  
~*~No Dibs were hurt in the making of this episode, only Sally....~*~ 


	2. Rules

Rules for the AMAZING, TOTALLY STUPID, BUT TIME FILLING, CONTEST THINGY!!!!!!! By Daft Plushie and Dementia.  
  
**Update! due to confusion, i have gotten book mentions about actuall books. What i really ment was a story YOU WROTE YOURSELF on FFN...those who sent in actuall book mentions will still be able to participate and be judged, but from now on, please just stories you wrote, IZ or not, i don't care. srry 4 the confusion ~Daft**  
  
Ok, so you've read the stories, you like the show...*i hope* and you want to be in it. There seems to be no way that you could do that unless you copy the show and reproduce it with yourself in it which would be totally copying this idea and stuff...BUT WAIT! There's an easier way! *No, I'm not on pot...* There truly is! Just enter this contest thing and you could get selected to make a guest appearance in the show and have a book mention *ya know, where i mention you're book and how good it was and brainwash everyone into reading in n' what not...* Read the rules and enter! yay!  
  
1-First! I'll need a bit of information about you, the standard, because I can't just go off you're name thingy and expect for it to be accurate n' stuff!  
  
2-I'll need you're book/story title that you want mentioned *this is also how I judge who goes on Dementia*  
  
3-Insanity rating. it helps me with what to make you say, I wouldn't' want to have some really crazy person come on and say something not crazy, or visa versa...can you imagine the boring-est man in the world *you know the guys I'm talking about 'dry eyes' guy* coming on and screaming utter nonsense at people? the rating is 1-10...1being sane, completely, 5 being sane at sometimes, raving at others, and 10 being that no one would understand what you were talking about because none of your words flow together with other words and well, let's face it, you're just babbling....  
  
4-You need to put your info in the reviews *info that i need is down there a ways, just wait n' you'll see it...* and then you wait and i'll e-mail you with your letter that accepts you and what eppy you'll be airing in! You can e-mail me back with further things or things you left out, or suggestions for comments. I can give you a run down on what exactly is going to happen so you can get an inside look and be able to suggest a few things. *BTW, I'm always open for suggestions for stories! If i do use your suggestion, then you'll get a mention ~_^*  
  
FINALLY! Info that I need from you!  
  
Name:(FFN alias, I don't really want your real name)  
  
Appearance:(Height *tall, short, ect.* hair color, eye color, usual clothing0  
  
Insanity Rating:(How insane are you? scale of 1-10)  
  
Book Mention:(What story do you think will win me over to let you on the show and mention you're book and get people to read it? It has to be a story that YOU'VE writen though...Go on, amuse me human...*j/k*)  
  
E-mail: (How else am I gonna correspond with you on the story?) ~Extra~  
  
Story Suggestions? Ok, so maybe you don't want to participate in the contest, maybe you'd rather suggest a story and get your fame by a great mentioning like "Tonight's Broadcast is brought to you by (Your name here) who suggested this twisted idea." or something like that...or maybe you DO want to enter the contest and better you're chances of winning something by suggesting a storyline too. Then if you don't win the guest appearance and book mention, at least you could still be mentioned as the person who thought up the story! ^-^ either way, there's gonna be winners!  
  
TRY IT OUT EVERYONE! IT'LL BE FUN AND IT'LL KEEP DEMENTIA FRESH AND TWISTED SO IT WON'T JUST GET OLD AND GO AWAY BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME EVERY TIME! Hey, an you might even get to interact with Dib! Yay! ^-^ Please try! It'll be a great and fun time filler! ^-^  
  
***Thankies ~Daft Plushie, host of Dementia *** 


End file.
